Stupid but FUN Statements!*

Here are few statements on Positively Lowbrow that caught attention while surfing through different blogs:

They said Hindi-Chini-bhai-bhai but they didn’t say anything about the women.

The only people I get are people who don’t get people

These value meals are always expensive

I forgot the mnemonic aid.

In life, no one will remember your Ajoobas.

Man, this is the badliest written thing ever.

This is why I never wear white. I never know when I’ll land up at the Ghetto.

If you bring a horse to the water… (dramatic pause) …he’s going to drink it if it’s beer.

Fake fucking is so much fun, man. (contemplative pause.) It’s the best!

The reason it looks like a toaster is because on the other side, it looks like a toaster.

A: I can’t see a single hot guy or chick here.
B: Stop yelling man
A: Who cares man. They’re too busy not being hot.

A: So what drugs do you recommend?
B: I don't recommend drugs. (pause for effect.) I prescribe them.

Jesus was English, man. I'm telling you.

Great Going Leo M*

My Yahoo! Email Account

Hello Everybody,

Seems someone's cracked passwords of all my Yahoo IDs :(. Please do not send OR reply any offliners on chat or emails to any of my Yahoo ID you are aware of.

Not sure who the f&*%#$*&% hell is interested in bugging me with this shit. This shit has happened again in almost the last two - three months. Nywayz,I'll update you when I recover the passwords of my IDs. Please do not send or reply any offliners on chat or emails to/of any of my Yahoo IDs.

Thanks!

Regards, Jignesh

Craptastic!*

When software engineers in California are not dreaming about going skinny dipping with Angelina Jolie, they are dreaming about making millions of dollars by starting a software company. I do too. I mean the latter part.

I have an idea for this wonderful software. I don’t know how to make the software yet, but a like a true day dreamer, I prepared the packing and the feature list for the software. Let me share my idea with you.

(Click on the image to enlarge. Read product description after the image)

What is Craptastic?
Craptastic is an amazing new software that reads a Bollywood (or other Indian movie) DVD and makes it into a movie that is actually watchable. All you have to do is pop the DVD into your computer, run the software, burn a DVD and watch it! You will never have to hurt your fingers again by holding the “2x” button for one and half hours.

Feature list:

• Using modern and complex algorithms, this software makes Aishwarya Roy look like she is almost acting
  
• Searches each frame and digitally puts a shirt on Salman Khan’s disgusting bare body
  
• Since most songs are rip off of English songs, those songs will be replaced by original English songs
  
• Using digital pattern recognition mechanism, this software makes dying characters die as soon as they say, “I am dying” sparing the viewer the 10 minute monologue
  
• By a patented new technology called ChildAgeCorrect, this software adds realism to movies by making children look at least as old as the dialogs they are spewing out. Warning: Most kids in movies will look 18
  
• Coat color correction: Rich people in the movie will wear normal gray, blue or black suits instead of orange, green or lavender.
  
• We all know how distracting those protean sweat patches under the armpits of heroes and heroines that are changing in every frame. This softwake make them look exactly the same in every frame
  
• (Only for Tamil movies) Applies strategic pixallation in fight scenes where the hero is wearing a lungi.
  
• And many more features!
  

Bonus software included:
MovieExperience is a great fun software that comes free with Craptastic. Applying MovieExperience will enhance the sound track so that your movie watching experience is closer to watching in a theater. Some features include:

• Adds the voice of the annoying guy talking in the back row
  
• Adds crying babies (up to :)
  
• Adds the voice of that 12 year old girl who already saw the movie and providing a preview of the upcoming scene
  
• Adds whistles and hoots when the heroine’s pallu drops
  
• After the movie ends, it adds instant reviews in real voices like, “What a load of crap,” “I want my money back” etc.
  

Order now!

Courtesy: Twisted DNA - Keep going mate! Great Work!

Professional V/S Personal Life!

Today morning, I was bowled over by a googly that came from one of my family members. It was a pretty innocent question really ‘Exactly what do you do in office?’ It looked from the expressions of the person asking the question, that the question was hanging in there for ages to come out! Every now and then my family would hear, Social Visit – Saturday, Temple – Saturday, Movie – Sunday, Take an hour's extra sleep someday – hell no, I gotta RUSH to d office. They could never figure out (not yet figured out!) how come office was even more important than some of their 'routinely important' things and at times even Saturday-Sunday are not spared?


The question pushed me in a thought process. Seriously, exactly what do I do in office? The day starts with a sleepy drive to the office. Well, there are various places where I need to clear my sleep backlog. Reach office groggy eyed and answer the same old question ‘you awright? You look terrible/awful’. Office day starts with a ritual of opening emails, which always are in loads! Answer endless and many times urgent and/or important and/or senseless emails. Attend meetings where something/nothing/everything concrete is discussed. Write complicated docs, which cannot be fixed/altered by anybody else if need be! Manage the daily/weekly/monthly 'deliverables', which are generally in tonnes! Ofcourse, there are exceptions - :). Occasional tea-coffee breaks and snacks breaks, over which nothing but work is discussed. In between keep running after the ever changing technology to be up-to-date. Never in my 5yrs of professional life have I been in a position to declare myself a know-it-all Guru. There is always something or the other gets thrown on my face which I admit I don’t know quite tongue-in-cheek.


The office day ends with a harmonious sleepy drive back to home. Reach home, utilize whatever energy is left within -- in eating, discussing (brainstorming, at times), updating (not again!) myself with the day's developemnts at home, watch TV and hit the bed thinking of thousands of things waiting in the office the next day.


It’s been ages (atleast I feel so!) ever since I enjoyed timeless music for hours, since I prepared a Maggie myself and enjoyed it at home, since I kept sleeping all day long doing nothing, since I sat in my home gallery/balcony holding a hot cup of tea/coffee and watched it raining, went outside and got wet in the rains, 'freaked out' with frendz… ages since I did anything that I enjoyed before beginning the professional life!

The External World and the Eternal YOU*

From the day you are born, the Dance of life begins. The hustle and bustle of life, the struggles, the striving, the focus on goals and objectives, the excitement and disappointment of achieving or not achieving these goals, the relationships, the highs and lows of these, the conflicts and so on. At any given point of time, we are involved with all our energies in something or the other in this world.

The student in his studies, the competition in school, the grades and the marks.

The housewife in her household chores, the unending visits to the market, the cooking, the cleaning, the tussle with maids.

The mother in raising her children, taking them to school, their studies, their tuitions, their admissions, arranging their birthday parties.

The working woman trying to balance her life – home and work, the commutes by train, the hassles when trains stop due to rains, the traffic jams, the daily unending grind, no time to stop or think, rush from one task to the other, no time to pay attention to herself or her health.

The man managing the stresses at work, the boss, the subordinates, the clients, the pressures of earning, getting promotions, earning increments, the flights to catch, the meetings, the presentations, an endless cycle with no beginning and no end.

The young couple in college managing a relationship, the excitement of togetherness, the sexual awakening, the furtive meetings concealed from parents, the disappointment of a heartbreak, tears on the girl’s side, the anger on the boy’s, looking for another relationship, the girl crying on her best friend’s shoulder, her heart bruised, her world seeming to come to an end.

The newly married couple with the excitement of a new marriage, the sexual play, the discovery of new pleasures, the buying of a new house, the doing up and decorating of the new house, the arrival of the child, the financial hardships, the conflict with in-laws, the chill in the couple’s marriage due to these conflicts, the blame game, the accusations, the tears, the patch-ups.

The young pass-outs from school rushing to get admission forms, the queuing up for admissions, the checking of the admission lists, the joy of admission, the disappointment of not getting place in the chosen college, the new days in college, the visit to the beauty parlor for the latest beauty treatments, the new clothes, the latest trends in fashion, the envy for someone who looks or dresses better, the attachment to friends, the hanging out, the coffees at coffee shops.

The person who just starts working, the new office, new colleagues, the hard work, the long hours, the smoking sessions, the drinking after work, the lookout for better opportunities, the paychecks, the thrill of having your own money, the hunt for a PG accommodation, the new car, the investing of the money, the stock market going up or down.

Can you see a pattern in all this? These are the various stages of our lives and we all have gone through this. We all have been at different points of time the student, the school pass-out, the college-goer, the newly earning person, the newly wed, the housewife, the mother, the working man or woman and so on. Whenever we have been in that role, we have been fully involved in it with all our energies. We have rushed from one role to the other and made that role our life for that period of time.

But did any of that last? Do we ever feel that now I have settled down? Now I can rest? Now I can stop running? When one role ends, the other begins, taking us into the same mad rush, the striving, the conflicts, the highs and the lows, the demands of the new role. Then one day you feel tired of it all. Why does everything never end or settle down? Why is there no permanent satisfaction or happiness?

Everything you ever did has slipped off into your past and is just a memory trace now. Something, which you thought was your life and to which you gave your all, has now become simply that – a memory trace.

This stops you, this realization even shocks you. This is when you need to go to your inner self, to get your energy back, to find that permanent, changeless reality that is YOU and not all the mad chase in the external world that you at any given point of time thought was all that your life was about. The inner reality, which was always unaffected and untouched by whatever role you played, whatever you felt, thought or did.

That reality is YOU, that is peace, that is salvation. So at some stage of the mad whirlwind of what you call “Life”, please get off this treadmill of life on which you are running and will keep running and find the time to discover the eternal and the real YOU. You will find inside you something vast, something silent and peaceful, something quiet, yet very aware and alive.

*Courtesy: http://in.msn.com

F.R.I.E.N.D.S*

A walk down the memory lane brings back the nostalgic moments of the exhilarating experiences with some important people in different stages of our lives-Friends.

They have managed to evoke various emotions which have helped in shaping our raw personalities right from our childhood to our adult years till eternity. These are the individuals who have been met at various moments during this lifetime. Some are still around while others have chosen a different pathway. Yet they have managed to instill the worldly wise knowledge in us in their own unique manner which has been the essential lifetime lessons.

Today’s fast paced lives leave us with very little time. So little that we hardly have any for our near and dear ones. The journey in life progresses to that phase which scatters us in different parts of the globe.

The distance factor has been minimized with the technological advancement of the virtual world but it certainly does not compensate the fact of being with one another personally due to circumstantial hazards. Yet our memories never fail to remember one another on special occasions.

Today is one such day (especially being a Sunday :)), where they deserve the time, appreciation and acknowledgement. So taking time off and spending certain treasured minutes will indeed bring us back the exuberance and joyous moments. This will revive and rejenuvate our almost lost personalities in the whirl of routines and turbulence of the maddening and contemporary scenario.

Courtesy: http://in.msn.com*

Life is a Game - Good Image